Should’a ... would’a ... could’a ...
Arrgghh that word “should!” I see it and hear it all the time, do you?
We see it written in posts, “well she should have.....”
Well she didn’t, for what ever reason, and she probably can’t go back and do it differently so shut up “Carolene”.
Should have! It is a subtle way of saying we are better than others, when it is all too easy for anyone to see a better way in both hindsight and detachment from the situation.
Yes I am guilty too, saying it to a partner after they have done something around the place, have you done that? “Well you should have done it (this way) that is what I would have done” or have you heard it from your partner?
Well who ever said it “should” have done it themselves in the first place. If you are going to delegate something then delegate without retribution.
Every so often I come across a situation where someone wants me to do something, but then wants to micromanage me, I’m way too old for that shit! And while they may think I have dropped the ball so to speak, in reality it was a damn hard kick, although I gently refer to it as a hand ball right back in their court. I’m too busy running households and businesses to be running tasks that I will be second guessed on, when my background is in business management.
It’s not just that though, all mothers know just how much running around and organising it takes to manage a family and work/business and so often those telling them what they “should” do, just don’t have the runs on the board, they have never walked in those shoes, and possibly never will.
Mind you there are some that will eventually be mothers and do all the things, I wonder what they will think later when another says to them “well you should have....” does it take them back to when they said it?
And do we all remember those times we said “when I’m a Mum, I’m going to/not going to......” ?
The one I remember is “I’m not going to let my kid watch tv in the mornings” yeah right! that was a good one, I would do anything to catch her and keep her still to get dressed and the only thing that got her to stand still was the bloody television. Stopped in her tracks and then one limb at a time we got clothes on.
So when we wish to give advice, let’s try to drop the “should’ve” and think about things differently?
Is it a past the event? - don’t say should’ve, in fact shut up unless asked.
Is the other person asking for alternatives? Then offer future alternatives, not “should’ve”s.
Are they asking for advice? Then try some other phrases, “have you considered?” Or “is it possible to do....”
Let’s all cut each other some slack, we all make mistakes, or do things differently, our circumstances are all different but our desires all similar. Every day let’s all try to do a little better, and know that everyone else is just trying to do a little better too.
With love
