Finally women are coming forward to admit that they have been abused, that they have hidden that abuse for many reasons, some ask what would make a woman keep such a thing quiet?
Well here are some of the reasons:
- Threat of violence to self from the perpetrator/s
- Threat of violence to family members by the perpetrator/s
- Threat of other retributions like the loss of a job for self or others (imagine a girls father employed by the perpetrators father)
- Threat of having the same thing happen again
- Threat of social retributions
- Belief that one caused this (cultural programming)
- Not believing there was a person who would listen
- Belief that the perpetrator is of a higher caste or class and therefore have greater rights that self.
- Fear of reliving the event to hostile male police officers
- Fear of the medical examination that is akin to secondary rape
- Fear of embarrassment to self and family for months on end
- Fear that at the end of it the perpetrator will walk away with no consequences
- Fear that after all that, they will do it again because they go away with it
- The prohibitive cost of defending oneself in court
- The belief that if the witnesses did nothing, one must have deserved it
- The belief that children do not have rights over their bodies but rather the adults do
There are more, and while some say it was a different culture back then I respond with, then why do we still have rape and other forms of abuse?
Yes our culture is improving, it is doing so because women and men are finally standing up to their abusers, victims are stepping up and breaking free of the events and memories that have hobbled them in their lives, their relationships and they are standing up to STOP this happening to others.
Why are so called high profile people being caught up in this unveiling of abuse? Because abuse is about power not sex, that being the case, it is frequently those driven to have power that rise through the social and employment ranks, and it is that perceived power that stops the victims from coming forward.
Some say “why now?” I say to that, go back and read the list of reasons victims remained quiet, see how people are growing and gaining strength, look at how many are getting the help required to resolve their internal angst.
Look at the ages of people coming forward, they are parents and grandparents, their fears for others are stronger than their fears for others, they will not allow their family members to be put at risk any more.
There is something that changes in us as we get older, jokes abound regarding “old” people not caring what others think and not putting up with “shit” and when they see others hurt their fears finally abate, the inner strength for so long held down, now bursts forward and there is no longer a wall of stone in front of them, there is dust and they are coming for the abusers.
Nothing will stop this surge, it has the momentum of millions of men and women behind it with a pressure that has built over decades, and it is exploding throughout the western world and those people are carrying it into other nations as they go.
We would love for you to share your stories and help motivate and inspire other incredible women. Pop them in the comments box below.
Luv
